What do Zombie farmers crave? Grains.

Zombieland: Always Follow the RulesEdit

Rule 1: CardioEdit

Found written on some bloodied paper.

The 8th day. Maybe the 9th?

Our first indication that something was wrong after the passage was the giant bird that attacked us. I grabbed hold of it as it soon came near, and its flesh sloughed off, so I immediately threw it off. We didn't manage to kill it, but we drove it off.

We landed on a rooftop, and decided that it would be a good idea to get some supplies, as we determined that we had come down due to lack of fuel. As we packed the balloon into the basket, and forced it up against the only door on a roof, we saw another survivor running away from a small throng of zombies. He was overcome, and a few seconds later, stood up. Steve was busy working on something or other, so I tried to eliminate a few of them on the ground. We also saw the bird overhead again.

At this time we started to take stock of the situation. This town we were in (we estimated it was 3-10k people in size) we saw a modern style of architecture, and even a gas station nearby. We at this time figured out that the zombies were attracted to noise as well. They weren't super fast, and there weren't an insane number of them, tens, not thousands.

Once we decided to scavenge from the gas station, we were able to quickly make our way down. Mark, Luke and I went down the fire escape, and dealt with two or three zombies on the way there fairly easily. Mark went for the tank of propane, while I filled a plastic bag (I had left mine on the roof) with some snips, a couple pairs of pliers, some cans of WD-40, lighters, a roll of wire, and a few pens and pencils. Mark suggested a screwdriver as well,

It's on the way back things started to go wrong. Luke was the first to get injured, and as he went down, Mark was forced to lift him and the propane tank up to the second floor of the fire escape. Steve had to stop watching the rooftop, so he froze the door behind the basket, and started to drag the fire escape ladders down. Meanwhile, around 7 zombies had started to box us into the alley. After I had dealt with them, Steve had the lower ladder down, and started to gesture towards me. I retreated up the ladder, but not before being injured myself. It took quite some effort for us to knock a zombie that was trying to hold onto the ladder as it was being retracted.

As the party tried to get Luke get back to his feet, Steve attempted to get back to the second floor, which had at this point been taken by the zombies. They had broken the door and pushed past the basket. Steve nearly lost his footing, and his katana as well when he tried to make a beach-head onto the roof. After he got up, both Mark and I were obliged to help him, leaving Luke where he lie. We went up, and were quickly separated from Luke. The flameD-40 worked well. We dealt with the ten or so zombies on the roof , taking a moderate amount of damage in the process. Around halfway through the skirmish, Luke was able to rejoin us, and allow us to quickly flank and deal with the zombies around steve.

After we had re-secured the area, Mark and I admitted to the party that we had been bitten. We both were not noticing any effects, but I still attempted to sterilize the wound in my side by first searing it with the broad side of my sword (I heated it up with flameD-40 fire (I really like the name) ), and then thrusting a chaos bolt into the side. Ouch. At least it won't likely scar.

It seems the others are gaining control over magics quite quickly. It takes nearly all of my concentration to break what I know of ordered reality and summon my chaos, I have no idea how they can convult their minds to think and attempt such magic so quickly. Steve is clearly showing affects from this, and I am not sure what to do. I must think more on this.


Rule 2: The Double TapEdit

karissa in zombieland

Rule 14: Always carry a change of underwearEdit

The group worked their way down into the apartment building and managed to barricade themselves inside an abandoned family room. They scavenged the place for any medical supplies and food they could, and lay down to rest.

In their dreams, they found each other. They awoke back in N1116, the apartment where it all started. Their magic wouldn't work. Could it all be a dream?

Meanwhile, Chris attempted to sleep, but could not. So he kept guard instead, and worked on making some chainmail.

In the dream, they decided to investigate around. The door to the hallway led instead into Steven's room. They walked in. Then out into the hall again. Again, Steven's room. A third time ended instead with a long long long hallway. So they walked. And at the end, they found James. Wearing a sweater they had never seen, and a strange hat. But, passing it off as coincidence, they followed him and somehow became split up. They found themselves in a boiler room. Few things made sense. So, Steven went back to the original apartment, which was replaced by a field. He lay down in the field. Luke and Mark found each other. And James. Who was laughing very heartily. He slashed at them. They barely dodged. James looked up, and was horribly scarred. They realized who it was. It was Freddy Krueger. Krueger stabbed Steve heartily. Bloodied, Steve managed to wake up. Hearing their screams, Chris helped the others. It was going to be a long night.

With some caffeine pills found in the medicine cabinet, they made it through the night, and attempted to venture off to find any others they could and make sense of the world before leaving.

Sleep deprived, Steven decided it would be a good idea to drive the truck they found at the gas station across the street. They fought their way to the truck. The keys were inside. What's the worst that could happen?

Rule 4: Wear Seat BeltsEdit

After a short drive through the city, crushing a good number of zombies on the way, the group saw a gathering of the creatures in a small park straight ahead. So logically, they drove straight at it and tried to stop by turning.

Fortunately, nobody was injured except for the zombies. So they jumped from the truck and immediately began firing every spell they had in their arsenal at the ungodly creatures, terrifying the small cadre humans who had been swarmed. Except for one.

Enter: Karissa. It would not be long before this new mysterious girl would establish herself as an equal member of Gongshow Gaiden.

Sadly, after the battle, only Karissa, Gongshow Gaiden, and one other of the humans remained alive. With hesitation, the other human joined them in the truck as they continued on towards the Sporting Goods and Hunting store, which the cadre was on their way to before becoming ambushed.

They entered the store and stocked up as best as possible. Suddenly, the door opened. It was Topher and Sarah, who had finally managed to join up after teleporting onworld. Ambushed once again, they fought off the horde and made it back to the truck. They found the truck empty, the other human from the cadre had shot himself and committed suicide in his time alone. Something had gotten to him. Perhaps the inevitable doom of zombies. Perhaps the site of superpowered beings. Perhaps Freddy. Who can say for sure?

Karissa led them back to the supermarket where the remaining humans had held up while waiting for the return of those with weapons. The shipment was brought inside, and Gongshow Gaiden filled up on food. They talked to some of the remaining survivors, who led them to two injured soldiers.?

Soldier 1: More survivors. Too bad. Would've been easier to die a zombie.

A radio crackled in the background.

Soldier 2: We can still hold out hope.

Soldier 1: Don't be an idiot.

Chris: What seems to be the problem?

Soldier 2: Our superiors have made the decision to permanently quarantine the area. Soldier 1: My ass.

Karissa: What he means is that we have around 20 hours before the American Government is going to nuke the city.

Luke: Ah.

Mark: Any chance at all of getting out?

Soldier 2: Originally there was to be a plan for extraction from the landing pad at the local mall. However, we have not had any further communication from base since then. That extraction was to be tomorrow at 1800 hours.

Gongshow Gaiden decided it would be best to rest up before heading out. So they sat and talked. Within this talking a little was learned about their new friend Karissa. It seems she also came from the same Earth, or a very similar one as the remainder of the group. Except she came from a different time. From four years forward in the future. She worked with and knew James very closely. One day at work, she slept, and felt herself transported to this apocalypse. She always hoped to wake up, but it had been nearly two weeks, and she had still not. Slowly over the last two weeks, she had discovered that she also was able to do magic. She found herself able to Weave the Power, as stated in her favorite book series. She could move small objects with her mind, and shoot lightning out of her hands to damage an enemy. She had been hiding it from the others, and was pleased to find that there were those that were the same. Chris set up a silvering mechanism to coat his sword with silver. Karissa and Chris kept watch while the others slept.

However, Freddy had other plans. As they slept, they awoke within the dream world in the supermarket. Corpses littered the floor. Lights flickered weakly. Two girls outside the front door sang.

Girls: One, two... Freddy's coming for you.

Three, four... better lock the door.

Five, six... get your crucifix.

Seven, eight... stay up late.

Nine, ten, never sleep... again...

Freddy appeared. The group, unable to use their magic, fought valiantly, but did more damage to each other than to Freddy.

Suddenly, Mark was able to grapple with the phantasm, holding him still.

Chris and Karissa in the outer world, saw the internal struggle, and Chris explained quickly. Karissa attempted was able to step inside the communal dream world to help, empowering everyone's control over the dream world. At the same time as Mark attempted to bring himself and Freddy outside of the dream, Chris attempted to push himself inside as well. The swap occurred. Steve, Topher, Luke, Mark, and Karissa all woke up. Chris fell asleep. With the use of their magics regained, the party managed to fell Freddy, and remove his glove.

While in the creepy dream world, Chris encountered his silvering mechanism running, though poorly. The water ran a rusty, bloody red. Chris grabbed his sword out, and Karissa awoke him, allowing him to pull the sword from the dream world into real life. The Nightmare Blade was born. Gongshow Gaiden got some well deserved rest. Karissa rejoiced, finally finding others like herself. Who somehow know James. Weird. They kept Freddy's glove.

Rule 5: No AttachmentsEdit

In the morning, zombies were at the doors of the supermarket. A horde like none before. Perhaps this would mean that the mall would be empty? Unlikely. In addition, the realization came that the truck would not be able to fit everyone, and neither would the helicopter. Chris took charge.

Chris: Are any of you important?

The question did not go over well. Most people cried. They drew straws. The few that would fit geared up. They filled the truck to the brim, killing a few zombies outside in the meanwhile, and though not as many would be able to fit in the helicopter, they did not speak of the chance they had of making it there in the first place. A few would likely die on the way. They set off. Steven was posted as driver again, after his excellent experience driving before. Others were to shoot as many as they could on the trip. All went well, until...

Thump. Thump. Thump thump. Thump thump thump thump thump. Something was chasing them. They drove faster. Before whatever it was could get to them, they reached the mall, and piled inside.

The crew worked together and dispensed the zombies as quickly as they could, while holding together strong, and working their way to the roof and stealing a few things from the stores in the meanwhile. No lives were lost. Surprisingly. They reached the roof.

And there it was. The Helicopter. In all of its glory.

BOOM! The giant bird-dragon-zombie beast that had plagued them in the sky landed halfway in between them and the Helicopter. As the group screamed to their human allies to get into the helicopter while they distracted the beast, they found that the humans had already decided the same and were piling into the helicopter as they screamed. The beast was not looking at the others. It was focused on Gongshow Gaiden. The humans showed the beast the same acknowledgement. Perhaps it could not be seen? Perhaps they were just brave.

The helicopter, full, took off, as Gongshow Gaiden fought valiantly. The necrotic breath of the beast tore away at their flesh. The claws cut deep. Chris leaped upon the giant's back, and lassoed a chain around its neck. Clash, swing, blast, boom, the giant flew up into the air with Chris on its back. Chris jumped off, and sliced the neck clean off with his chain. As dust, the beast blew away in the wind. Four hours until nuke.

They blasted their way through the zombies in the mall, and made it back to the truck. Karissa was concerned. The group reassured her, and explained the hot air balloon. It was a sure-fire way off the plane.

Thump thump. Thump thump thump thump. Oh, there it was. A giant zombie collage. A zombie made of many zombies. They threw grenades. They threw spells. Nothing seemed to slow it down. Powerful spells only sloughed off zombies from the mass. They sped up. They reached the building where the balloon was stored, and ferociously climbed to the top. The balloon was gone.

Rule 22: When in doubt, know your way outEdit

There it was... floating away, a zombie in the control. Steven slid down the emergency escape ladder like a bat out of hell. Chris stood strong on the roof and charged a spell. The remainder fought the zombie horde and prepared for big papa.

Steven jumped in the truck and drove faster than anyone should ever drive down a residential street.

Chris let loose his enormous spell. Nothing happened. The zombie mass still rushed toward them.

Steven put some garbage on the accelerator, and rolled down the window.

Chris turned to say something and boom, the spell shot out as a giant laser. Shoop da woop.

With a feat of manliness, Steven reached out and leaped to the rope dangling from the balloon.

The zombie beast stopped dead in its tracks. It sneezed, and instantly became a kitten.

Steven held tight to the rope and started to climb.

Chris turned to where Steven floated and ran. He teleported to the next building.

Steven dangled and climbed. The balloon kept moving.

Luke, Topher, Karissa, and Mark ran along the ground to attempt to catch up.

Chris pushed his teleport a second time. Then a third. He had never been successful on a third.

The balloon moved fast. Steven reached the basket and threw the zombie out. He tried to lower the thing. Tried to shut down.

Chris didn't make it. He jumped. He landed in a garbage bin. Broken. Completely.

Mark and Karissa stopped when they reached Chris. Topher and Luke ran to help Steven.

Chris was dying. Mark used Giant Growth. It only hurt. Karissa used her insight magic and delved his spirit. She saw only broken, hectic chaos.

Together, Mark and Karissa worked to Regenerate Chris. The delving allowed Karissa to see the cracks in Chris' being. They pushed him together and stabilized him. A beautiful, pure chaos once again. They bandaged him up to stop the bleeding, and carried him to the balloon.

Luke, Topher, and Steven managed to stop the balloon long enough to allow the others on. They rose up once again. And off into the distance they flew. Karissa used her delve on the entire party, trying to see what makes them each different, or similar.

A storm began once again. But the group's attention was interrupted by two events. First, they heard a great moan from beneath, and as they looked, they saw a zombie fall from the balloon. Second, a giant gaping blue portal stood in front of them. They entered, not being able to turn back.